Ten More Pounds
IN THE BEGINNING
Growing up my cousin would call me ‘Bones,’ my neighbor would call me ‘Tiny Tamika,’ and my Jamaican grandmother worried that I wasn’t getting enough food – so she piled my plate sky high at every meal. The weight didn’t start to stick until I became an athlete in junior high and high school. Cross-country, soccer and volleyball kept my metabolism up and my appetite status was always “Yeah, I can eat again.” My weight was in the range of 135 lbs., which was mostly muscle on my 5’6” frame.
My self-esteem of my toned athletic body took a hit in 1994 when my soon to be mother-in-law at the time told me that I looked masculine. So I stopped running three miles a day and my daily visits to the gym soon came to an end.
I wanted to look feminine and I thought getting rid of my athletic physique was going to help me look more attractive. Unfortunately, I looked unhealthy. Too small to fit into my size six, I had shrunk down to 115 lbs. and my size went down within the range of zero – two.
TRYING TO GAIN WEIGHT
Even after having my two kids, I thought the baby weight would linger. However, my body snapped back to my 115 lbs. I started going back to the gym to try to bulk up but I feared what my shoulders and arms would look like. So I only did light workouts.
There were times that I put myself on a high protein and junk food diet – steak and eggs for breakfast and burgers, fries and milkshakes for dinner. The weight didn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t gain weight and I’ve been stuck at 115 – 117 lbs. since my mid 20’s. I am now 40 years old.
I am extremely sensitive about my thin figure. Whenever my full figured friends express their jealousy of my ability to eat anything I want and not gain weight, I feel guilty because I really want to add at least 10 more pounds. But I know the older I get I have to be aware of what I am putting into my body.
THE RIGHT OUTFIT
Shopping for clothes can be a challenge at times because small sizes go fast. And stores that I really like for my age group I can’t even fit their double zeros and I would have to get them taken in. For example, Banana Republic is my ideal place to shop for my day job. Their button up shirts are great but their dresses, skirts and pants, I have to get them altered.
Friends suggest I try the petite section but the thing is, retailers are making petites for women who are 5’4” or shorter. The pants would look like high waters on me. Instead, I shop in the juniors section or trendy retailers like H&M, Forever 21 and I frequent vintage boutiques because retailers back in the day had the sizes just right. The upside to being thin and not fitting into the typical office outfit is that I have broken out of the “corporate” look and brought in my own personal style to where I don’t look too stuffy or frumpy.
DATING WHILE THIN
The main nuisance about being a thin black woman is the stereotype of black men preferring a black woman with curves. I would like to say that in my lifetime, I’ve attracted very few black men. Overall, most of them don’t even give me a second glance, much less a first look. And I’ve been told to my face that if I had more meat on my bones that they would date me.
It annoys me even more when they see me with my European partner, that they finally acknowledge me. There was an incident where I was walking with my German boyfriend and a young lady said loud enough for me to hear, “There are plenty of young black men available out there. Why do black women feel like our brothers aren’t enough?” I turned and said to her, “Well, I’ve tried and most of them ignore me or don’t step up, but this man right here didn’t ignore me. He stepped up.” My boyfriend was so confused that I had to explain what just went down. Needless to say that he was shocked that black men and women were so dismayed about other blacks willing to date outside of their race and brothers not wanting a black woman who is thin.
In the grand scheme of things, I still struggle with my thinness but on my good days I’ve learned to embrace my slender frame. I can happily say the good days are starting to outweigh the bad days of where I wish I could effortlessly gain just ten more pounds.
Tamika Cody is a journalist and managing editor of a financial news publication in NYC. She is also the founder and editor ofwww.ArtzOfCulturez.com where she keeps tabs on art, culture and topics that aren’t so “artzy fartzy.” Follow her on Twitter @tcsviews
